Got My Spine I Got My Orange Crush

I used to looooove REM. I mean LOVE. Like listen to the radio, tape a song and rewind it over and over again to write down the lyrics. For years... Ok, until today, I thought the lyrics were, "I've got my SPRITE. I've got my Orange Crush."

So this is a post I started a month ago and never got finished. Tiling got in the way.

Once Todd installed the new subfloor, he added in this crazy orangeyfoamylayery stuff to serve as underlayment. Considering the age of the house and the relative out-of-plumb nature of a house of

such an age, it seemed best to work with something with a little give. This stuff (Ditra) is supposed to be great for situations like ours--especially when combined with a grout with a little sand and latex in it. Getting down backerboard in that bathroom would've been an absolute nightmare, but this stuff was just a little weird. The instructions online were decent, but there were some elements missing for novice DIYers. Todd became comfortable with it, but I (full of just enough information to be super annoying to him) was annoyed by those voids of information. So... would we recommend it? Todd thinks it was really easy to use and that it's great for small spaces.

People, Let Me Tell You 'Bout My Best Friends

Warning: Do NOT do a home renovation if you don't have our friends. You won't survive.

Our friends are the ones who let us crash at their homes when they're already entertaining other company. They let us use their showers. They leave doors open to let us invade their bathrooms. They offer their pools for comfort. They let us play with their children or neices and nephews for distraction. They bring us food--sometimes even milkshakes--when we're just not going to be able to leave the house for long enough to fetch something. They receive countless text messages about the latest state of disarray or renovation angst. They respond to countless text messages about the aforementioned concerns. They soothe fears about lead paint, asbestos lining and mold spores. They offer solutions for rowdy neighbors at 3 am. Every SINGLE time B. comes to town, she offers to work. Why am I not more like that? I think the bar has been raised. When we're finished, we're going to need to start paying it forward. Luke 12:48 ("For everyone to whom much is given, much will be required") is usually quoted in reference to monetary issues. I think it's as much about time and enthusiasm and love as it is about finances. We are in debt. We have been given more in our friends than we could ever repay.

Just "Bead" It...

And you thought the cheesy tributes to Michael Jackson were over. Hmm... not so much. As a girl who took her Thriller Album to Show and Tell in 3rd grade, there's no such thing as too much MJ. I lie. I'm actually over seeing his name on my Yahoo account every dang day. Anyhow, in light of the number of hours we've spent with beaded board today, we had to find something humorous. Just "Bead" It it is. You see that faux tile in the before photo? We knew it was faux. We figured that that plaster like everything else in the house was adhered to the "drywall" below. I think we're learning NOT to trust our instincts. BAD idea.

So here's the real story: Keene's cement. Boo! Hiss! Two opposable thumbs DOWN to Keene's cement. At least for our purposes. As we've learned from trying to patch the plaster in the living/dining room ceiling, plaster is the fairy tale equivalent of an evil troll living under a bridge. Becoming a true, master plaster finisher took lots of training along with quick and steady hands. Lots of training. I think you also had to be very precise and detail-oriented to do it accurately. Anyhow, as far as I can tell, you wouldn't be able to create the look of tile without scoring the plaster after it had been placed on the wall. Keene's cement must've given you enough work time to score a larger area--large enough, at least, to mimic tile and produce a smooth look. If those floor tiles are any indication, Norma was going to keep abreast of the trends in her home! However, as a banker, she was going to be relatively frugal. Using Keene's cement to create the plaster tiles allowed for the look of tile for a more economical price. It has held up really well over the years. However, due to some flaws and the presence of lead paint, we needed to remove it or cover it. Covering it seemed to be the best idea. We used bead board in our last bathroom, and we like the look, so we decided to use a tongue and groove bead board in this bathroom as well. We truly thought this would be a quick project before we put in the new sub floor. Arrrgh! Haven't we learned. Quick and easy are words we really shouldn't be using. Ever. But we did. As you can imagine we jinxed ourselves before we even got started. Confident little devils that we were, (yes, were) we got out the air compressor and nail gun. Board 1 up. Nail! Or not so much. I wish I could show you the crumpled little piece of metal alloy that that nail morphed into. Oh, the compressor must be faulty. Create a little more air pressure. Nail! Or not so much. Nail 2 crumpled. As did 3, 4 AND the staples. So we tried the nail gun in some wood scraps. Miracle of miracles, it worked. It must be where we were nailing in the wall. Nope. Nothing worked. Pre drill? Nope. I think the drill started crying after the third attempt... or was that me? That was definitely me crying. My basic concern? Make the lead paint go away. And make it pretty.

Station break: I'll take a break here to address the fact that I understand I'm explaining lots more than you need to know. However, we want this to serve as a record of our renovation. All of it. You're welcome to glance at pictures and move on.

After much gnashing of teeth on my part, I had a brainstorm. I asked T. to just hang on for a minute and hear me out. We knew that there were at least two easily nailable points above and below the cement. Couldn't we nail the boards at the bottom and use some cove moulding over the boards at the top but below the chair rail and nail up into that? Add a little liquid nails and we should be in good shape, right? RIGHT! Hoooooray! Mrs. Maness would probably be proud that I do remember one thing from Geometry: Eureka! We solved it. So, after much ado we finally finished up in the wee hours of the morning. Before:

And after:

And it's on to the new sub floor.

Here's Your One Chance, Fancy, Don't Let Me Down

Fancy, fancy, fancy floors. Sadly, these had to go the way of the ASBESTOS-lining that separated the vinyl from the vinyl from the vinyl from the subfloor. All this time I thought the house was very sedate: soothing greens, vanillas and whites seemed to be throughout the house. As we came across layers of old paint I kept thinking that the orangey-yellow was some kind of drywall/plaster combo. Not so much. It must've been the actual paint color in the bathroom and kitchen. I'm having a hard time reconciling the sweet, soft-spoken Aunt Norma with this fancy-dancy flooring. Amazing. Fascinating, really.

It's a New Door... It's a New Day

Our new door (only a few weeks late), and the window/wall combination that we removed from the living room. I know, I know, it was artistic and chic, but it took up A TON of room.

Good Morning, Sunshine

I'll start with some before pictures of the bathroom. It's still in relative before mode.

We've stripped the wallpaper, the curtains and the handicapped railing. We've painted the mirror, faux tile, trim, walls and perhaps a bit of the floor. Ok. So a Lot of the floor. I'm a messy painter. It all comes up though. Excuse T's feet in the photo. Oops. The linoleum to the right of the toilet is what we wish we had as real tile--a fabulous hexagonal pattern. C'est la vie. We've gone with the black and white pinwheel instead.

I'm sorry to say that we did not keep the matching curtains and wallpaper in the pictures. I can remember thinking it was super fancy when people had matching wallpaper and curtains. Believe it or not, my tastes HAVE changed.

Anyone who knows T knows that he loves some Shania Twain. So we don't agree on everything... Anyhow, I couldn't help hearing the lyrics of one of her songs running through my head when he shouted across the house at me this morning, "Do you need to go poop?" Man, I did NOT feel like a woman. I felt about as gross as you might imagine it might feel. It didn't help much that I was wearing pants formerly known as the color black and my shirt? Well, suffice it to say that I won't be wearing this one anywhere but here. G-ross.

Good news? The black hairy stuff on the floor? Not mold. Bad news. We still have to take out everything down to the subfloor. More good news? The subfloor isn't wet. Entertaining news? When I'm in the basement, I can look up at Todd through the subfloor. Ok. Maybe not so entertaining. Maybe more along the lines of scary.

Made for TV

I'm starting to think there are cameras rigged in our house right now. We watch lots of DIY/HGTV programming. Lots. When the new show Renovation Realities debuted I thought they dragged the bottom of the barrel to find crazy folks to participate. Surely normal people don't behave in that fashion. Really. It's ridiculous. Or is it? We've given those fools a run for their money. Take today. T. is all ready to tile the bathroom. Everyone is quick to say how eaaaasy it is. Piece of cake. (Keeping in mind that the kitchen is STILL not installed and the one storage place we had established has been emptied to allow me to paint over the lead paint, we decided to go ahead and tile.) Tomorrow. Lots of pep talking in the big box store. A new underlayment material. WE GOT THIS!

Yeah right.

That slightly wobbly toilet? You guessed it. Leaking. That bump in the floor under the toilet? No, it's not a piece of replacement underlayment. It's a patch job. A patch job that's been leaked under. For months. Years even. Thin set does not equal a solution to a leaking toilet. Water + wood + time= mold. Ugly, black mold. So that easy tile job? Eh... not so easy. And in this house with one bathroom? Well... hello woods? I'm still not sure how that will be handled. Not yet at least. I'm hoping that some friend of ours will be going out of town soon and that they need house sitters. Seriously. Especially with this diabetes insipidus. I need a bathroom. Frequently.

Hello, America. We know you're watching us. You think we're making it all up for a TV show? Yeah. That's it. We're in it for the ratings. Or not. We're just in it. Deep.

Wanna be on Renovation Realities yourselves? Oh, you know you do. Apparently it's just this easy. Maybe we should sign up before we start the kitchen.